A man…

I am turning twenty five in about two months. As you can imagine, for  a 25 year old Burundian man the pressure to marry is on! Thankfully, the pressure is mostly from people outside my family. My older brother is still in school and has no plans to get married in the next two to three years. That buys me time of course because I can always say, “well, ask him first”. And no, a lot of people do not buy that argument but any excuse is better than none.

You see, I have had my fair share of relationships; some of them long others brief. The longest I have ever been in was about a year and half. Looking back at it now, the only reason it lasted that long is because the relationship itself had no title. In other words it was just there, undefined. It was fun, chill and super casual. We spent a lot of time together and enjoyed each other’s company immensely, but over time we started to grow apart. She is now happily married with two kids. Other relationships I have had in have been brief, six months at the most. Overall I am getting at the age where I think it would be good to have a long-term relationship and past relationships have taught me important lessons about the kind of person I want to be with. It’s cheesy but I can frankly say that I know what I want in a girl, and this is hugely thanks to my exes. Aside from the usual, you know, beauty, intelligence, authenticity, here are some of the other qualities I wish for in a partner:


You may call this superficial, but yes I  need to date a girl who is shorter than me. I am not insecure about my height; I am not by all standards a short guy but I am not very tall either. I know what you may be thinking, but no, tall girls do not intimidate me. I just think it’s better overall if she’s shorter than me. Let’s not forget women wear high heels. I want her to be at most the same height as me when she’s in her high heels. Plus it looks better in photos; I have Instagram you know!


This is actually the most important thing on my list. I can’t stress this enough but there’s nothing as exciting as meeting someone who is incredibly passionate about something. It doesn’t matter what it is. Just have a thing you are really into. I once met a girl who was really into yoga and meditation. Listening to her talk about it was always one of the highlights of my day. Her face lit up, and you could feel the passion in her words every time she spoke about it. I almost started going to yoga as a result. Yes, it was that powerful. She knew all there’s to know about it and could talk about it for days. I find that incredibly attractive.


I have met people from large families and people from small families and I have to say from my experience those who come from large families tend to be kinder, more generous and outgoing. Perhaps it’s the fact that when you have many siblings, at some point you have to care for one another and somehow you grow up to approach life that way. Or maybe it’s that there are always a lot of people at home and so you develop good social skills that people from small families may not have chance to learn. Whatever it is, I find people from large families to be loving, excellent communicators, and caring, all of which I think are essential to a great relationship.

She must dress well                                            

I must admit this also superficial, but I consider myself to be somewhat of a put together guy (read: one of the best dressed guys I know – lol trying to be humble about it). Ideally, I would like to date a girl who is more put together than me. She doesn’t have to wear expensive clothes. Even I don’t. And I am not talking about matching the color of her earrings to that of a pair of shoes she has on that day. Leave that to abapaysans (for real). She doesn’t have to be on every trend seen on Instagram either. She just has to have her own personal style.


This is also one of those things that are high up on the list. I want my next girlfriend to be  someone who is charming, warm, easy going, and has a positive outlook on life. The kind of person who can talk to anyone about almost anything. The kind of person that won’t be sitting at a corner looking miserable when you go to a gathering with unfamiliar people. It’s one of those qualities I admire about one of my good friends. When you meet her, it’s as if you’ve known each other for a long time. We’ve been friends for a long time but I have never seen her down. Not a single day. And when you talk to her, it’s as if there you’re the only person in the world that matters. Her eyes are full of life and voice full of passion. It’s truly a beautiful thing.


(Photo by Arnaud Gwaga Mugisha)