I have been thinking about this for a while now. At first, I thought I should just keep it to myself, that it’s none of my goddamn business. But recently, I finally made up my mind. I decided to put it out there. I decided to voice my opinion.
I am tired of watching girls my age pretend that they are happy hooking up with older men as long as they get money and gifts (cars, houses, jewelries … you name it!!!). I call it aiming lower than they should in life. I don’t call it being a ”woman with a strategic agenda”. Well, that’s just rubbish if you ask me.
As girls, I think we deserve better than that. At least, that’s what I grew up being told.
I grew up watching Cinderella. Just like her, I dreamed about finding that prince when I grew up. I dreamed about having that great lover who will sweep me off my feet. Of course, as I grew older, I realized that great love is hard to find. I realized that it required a lot of patience. I realized how it does not always come soon, that it might come after lots of tears due to heartbreaks here and there. But, it never had me lower my expectations towards what I want in a relationship. Never!
I am a true believer that great things will always come my way if I pray and wait long enough. Call me stupid or naive if you wish.
I grew up in a loving and caring family. My parents have been married for over 20 years and my grandparents for over 50. So, I never thought for a second that I wouldn’t get as lucky as they did. I am not saying that their marriages are perfect, that they haven’t had few bumps here and there along their journies together . I am sure they have encountered problems many times because marriage requires hard-work and compromise. But, love always conquers it all. And some will obviously add faith to the list as it is the strongest foundation one can have in marriage.
So, ladies let me cut it to the chase. Do not settle for married men! I know that the whole world has been trying to convince us, especially through popular American TV shows, that being a mistress is glamorous; well it’s not. TV and Social media should not be the ones dictating how we lead our lives. I say, why should we settle for less? Why would we dream to become somebody else’s second best?
A mistress is always hiding in the shadows and thinking that she is in a relationship when she actually isn’t because she is the side chick, not the ONE.
To all the mistresses out there, your chances of you graduating from the title of Mistress to that of Mrs Right are close to nil. The truth is, you will never be seen in public proudly holding hands with ” your man” because you do not have a dignifying title. In public, you are ‘cousin’ or a ‘niece’. The sad thing is when you do get introduced as the cousin/niece,you stay and smile as if satisfied by that title. Don’t you have some dignity left for the beautiful and deserving woman you are? Come on!
You know too well that, at night, he leaves you alone and goes home. You curl up in your bed hugging pillows and sometimes crying over the great love you always dreamed of and which will has not come yet. I guess, that’s when the reality hits you right in the face. He might buy you a house but it will never be his Home. His Home is where his legitimate wife kids are. Sorry for bursting your bubble. If you are not in it for the money and believes think that he will actually leave his wife for you then that’s just silly. Let’s keep it real. Married men rarely leave their wives. You are there as his toy which he will toss over the minute he finds another one he likes better. You know why?
Here are some points to think about:
You are not the only woman in the world (his wife is a woman too).
You are not the only beautiful woman in the world ( the wife, the neighbour,… are probably pretty too).
You are Not the only one with the “cookie”.
Well, tell me what makes you so special and that NO Other Woman has. Nothing. I thought so too. So, do not play stupid. He tells you that you are special, that you mean the world to him and all the sweet words he uses on other girls. Let me tell you the truth, he has used that line over and over again. Doesn’t it sound rehearsed to you?. If he meant that, you wouldn’t be a mistress, honey. Let me not even get started with all the diseases out there which he might give you as you well know that you are not his only one.
Honey, get it straight, your life is hanging on the balance if you are hoping that you will inherit from him. Boo, you ain’t! You hear me? Well, you will keep your jewels, keep the car and the house he would have bought you but you are Not getting anything more. So, get your priorities straight. If you want to be married … as in an actual marriage, then you are heading in the wrong direction. My advice to you is to pack up your stuff and run before this goes too far. Quit when you still have time to make things right and before you bear his children. It will avoid you the trouble of raising your kids alone, staying awake at night because the kids are sick. When they grow up, be prepared to explain who their dad is because they would want to know. Maybe if he has some dignity, he will pay for their schooling. If he doesn’t and dumps you, well though luck. Remember that society does not welcome mistresses with open arms; they will judge you. Your kids will always have other kids pick on them for being birthed by a whore, a home wrecker.
Your kids will probably grow up frustrated and will end up hating you. If they do not hate you, their half siblings will hate them and hate you. You will always be the person who broke their parents’ marriage. You will always be the one who broke their mom’s heart. And you know well how we love our mothers. You will be the monster, the nightmare in their lives. And when comes the time to share the wealth of the dad when he passes away, well watch them fight you with and your kids with all the strength they’ve got. They won’t want to share anything with you or your kids. Well, it’s not like the examples of how dirty all this will be when the time comes are lacking in our community. There is so much fighting over land and inheritance out there and your kids won’t be spared.
Well, if all the points I’ve raised before do not bother you at all, listen to this one before you close this window. For a moment, let’s just suppose your dad (if he is still alive) is cheating on your mom with another woman. How would that make you feel? Will you be horrified to see him come late at night with lipstick on his cheek or smelling differently? Will it bother you if he does not come at all that night? Will it break your heart to see your mom cry all the time because your dad does not care about her anymore? Will you be filled with shame if people start talking behind your back and saying that your dad runs around town with girls your age? Will you feel anger/hatred when you see the kids he got outside of marriage coming to share his wealth ? Will anger boil in you when you see his mistress in town? If you have replied Yes to any of those questions, I suggest you do got go that path. If your parents are not alive, well suppose the same situation occurs to someone your care about.
They say that ‘how you got him is how you loose him’. Karma is a b***h and what goes around come around. Do not be surprised if another woman comes around and snatches him from your arms. The reality is that you do not know if he does not have others women he sleeps around with besides you. You are not also sure that he will keep you around forever. Maybe he is the type to get bored quickly and dump you soon before you realize it. Agatoke kamenyereye gukomba kama gahese!
I am no angel. I sin like everyone. But, in terms of relationships, I think that our standards should remain high. Won’t you like to find your true love/ the one you will grow old with? I am the type who believes that Priests/ nuns and married poeple should be off -limits. Well, priests made a sermon to God by promising him to remain unmarried and preach the word of God. It takes two to tangle. So, do not participate in making them break that engagement. Married people have made a vow to one another and the deal was sealed by God (the Most High). So, the link does not break until one of them dies. Unless you are planning to kill the wife which will be another sin, who are you to attempt to break a union made by God ? If he comes your way, close your knees and say No. As simple as that. No harm no fall.
Well, ndavuga simvura murantunga. It is a one person’s opinion. You do not have to agree. I just felt like saying it out loud. I know people say that men are scarce, well maybe it is true maybe it’s not. All I know is, I am keeping my standards and my prayers. All I can say is girls, you are princesses and you deserve to be treated as such. You are not to be hidden from daylight /kept a secret. A man who cannot be proud to be seen in public with you is not the One for you. You are jewels and real jewels are worn to be shown off and admired. Good luck to all of you who are still waiting for Mr Right. He will come your way. Let’s honor our families by bringing the true Mr Rights for a proper wedding and let’s not sell ourselves for some cheap titles like mistress. If you are in for the money, remember that your studies / hard-work will get you to where you want to get in life. You alone can make a good future for yourself by living honestly. Just be patient! So, shall we all say ‘Bow down side chicks’ ? Ouff, that was some long a** article.
(Photo source: nowaygirl.com)
SGN currently living in Germany