… A man

Allow me start by warning you that I do not have an answer to the question above; I’m actually here looking for clarifications, if any…

I grew up surrounded by many women of different ages, backgrounds, levels of education, experiences, influences… but who all had one thing in common: they didn’t have a lot of affection for the man kind. They would spend hours telling stories which all had the same conclusion: men are losers and women must put up with that. They too, like Beyoncé, believe that girls run the World. I would sit there, silently listening and trying to understand what I needed to do to become a good man; THE good man that these ladies seemed to wish they had and hoped for their daughters and granddaughters. It naturally started with doing my best to be a “good boy”, so as to not disappoint my mother; and then, of course, I became a good listener – one of the things I’m sure all women want in a man… anyway, fast forward to my dating years…

A girl I was once interested in once told me that I was too much of a good guy to be her boyfriend – a moment of silence for all the good years wasted trying to be Mr Right. Okay, my righteousness has allowed me to score some good points with some good (and not so good) ladies out there, but if I’m single and I have been dismissed because I am too good, then there must be something wrong, no? I’m just using male logic here.

This girl who rejected me (by the way, she’s a very good friend of mine today) confessed to me that she’s more into bad boys. I looked at her history of relationships and I came to the conclusion that she always falls for the wrong kind. She approved my findings which allowed me to come to another conclusion: she subconsciously had a thing for trying to fix guys; which means that if she was to date a good guy there would be nothing to fix, hence the relationship would be without a goal.

I have realised that most women these days have my friend’s mind-set – including the women of my family, since they believe that their purpose in life is to succeed despite the bad men. I don’t know if it’s because education has become a basic right accessible to all (including women), but some ladies seems to take relationships for science projects. They want to fix guys; and after some time of realising that this is practically impossible, they will try to blame their failures on the men… Female logic?

I’m not trying to justify myself as an unwanted good man by the way, or as a sort of wasted potential; I’m just trying to understand. In fact, I myself have some issues when it comes to choosing my women. All the romantic relationships I’ve ever been in were never really planned for per say. They all started with me just being a good (male) friend (with no ulterior motives whatsoever)… then friendship developed into love, and voilà. The fact that the relationships didn’t last is proof that I am not a good guy; for isn’t it always the guy’s fault when something goes wrong?

None of the women I’ve actually been attracted to have said yes to my advances. And none of these women (the ones I was attracted to) were really worthy of my obsession, according to my friends. You can do better, they would always tell me; and funny enough that is what these girls would tell me as well: I’m sure there is a better girl for you out there

So what do women really want? Good guys to make them happy or bad guys to fix?

A lot of guys will say that all women really want is security, regardless of whether the man is good or bad. As long as you can feed her, cloth her, shower her with gifts and make her feel special and privileged in the eyes of her friends, she will be all yours, they say. Like this guy who (twenty something years ago) wanted this girl so bad; but the girl wouldn’t have any of it until he whisked her off (in his Volkswagen Beatle which was the *ish back then) to a romantic weekend in Kigali.  He used to brag so much about this achievement, until the woman filed for divorce a few years ago.

I’m not going to deny that there are women out there who only care about the money or other superficial things like ni umwana wo kwa nde; but (in my naivety) I’m tempted to think that they are like they are because they were (directly or indirectly) deceived too many times, lost all hope in men and have resorted to looking for something more palpable: wealth. But what if the perfect guy existed? What would he be like, according to women? Would he be funny; a good listener; romantic; good looking; good in bed? Or could it be just any guy but who really means it when he says he loves his woman?

What do women want? Wait; do THEY even know what they want?

(Photo source: shutterstock)